Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thankfulness. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Endless


Endless. Horizon stretching unbearable, blues shading into greens, teals, purples--white snow sharp against misty prospect.

How did we get here, to the eagle-sight of Oregon, to the clean air that fills us like wine and sweeps through us like water? Do invisible ties bind us to the sultry heat of Missouri, where crops wither and folks take shelter? As we stand on the snow and our feet sink into the icy crystals, as we clutch each other for balance and laugh in startled delight, do our souls ascend to the heavens, since we're so much closer now?

The faces we've basked in--those behind us engaging in post-wedding revelry, those of family familiar to us in their sorrow and their joy, those of new companions of the road--fill our hearts now, papering the walls of our internal rooms with mystery. We are the product of all that has come before--we are ancient, we are infants. We dance in the freedom of life and we bend under the weight of experience.

At the summit of Mt. Hood, we pause for a family picture. Sublimity and prosaic reality intersect. Life eddies and swirls around us. We breath. We exist.

We are endless.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Meet Toots!


Her name, which has been long forgotten in the slurry of fatuous nicknames, is Miss Moppet. She suits it—a pert gray cat with spotless white stockings and breast. There are faint tracings of khaki among the gray, which give her a mottled look. Behind her ears and under her front legs the fur is long and curly, with a greasy appearance which might come from being hard to reach and mostly unlicked.
She blends with her people’s house—a soft-pawed princess among the deep browns of antique wood and leather, the various shades of dusky green on the walls, and the rough natural stone tile the color of her left eyebrow. Not only does Miss Moppet blend with the house, but she rules it with an aplomb unknown to any human except one who lives a life petted and adored, without pause, from dawn ‘til dusk.
There is a certain imperious glare she wears at times. Her long slanting eyes grow round, deep yellow orbs divided in the middle by a slender slit of black, ringed about with dark fur which looks like kohl, artistically applied. Her subjects watch her and snicker, but this does not diminish the unmatched air of hauteur about her. The fact that one of her white eyebrow-hairs has a kink in it doesn’t either.
Her life is one of alternate frenzy and indolence. Early in the morning when her oldest human—tall, yawning, with big hairy toes and a yearning for coffee—stumbles down the stairs she is waiting, throwing disdainful glances over her shoulder but eager for a gentle massage, enjoying the feel of his wide-knuckled hands entwined in her fur and the sound of his low rumbling whisper.
There is a brief spate of wildness then, a few high-pitched yowls and the keen enjoyment of racing across the wide wooden-floored hallway with the sound of a small thunder and leaping to the windowsill in the kitchen where she can gradually allow her fur to settle and her bottle-washer of a tail to shrink and begin a slight spasmodic twitching.
Sleep—fuzzy, warm, engrossing sleep—strikes her then and she settles on the rose-colored velvet of her woman’s antique chair where, unless disturbed by the descent of adoring children, she naps in comatose oblivion for hours.
Lately she has become an ornithologist, as the elements conspired together to bring her a new hobby. Six inches of ice and snow outside drove hordes of birds to the feeder outside the schoolroom window. She waits with rear end wiggling until several of the winged mice have settled their frozen feet on the red plastic of the feeder. And then with perfect timing comes the sudden leap, the hollow thud against the window, and the startled birds streaking for the sky in alarm. It is the thrill of her day.
Two of her people are writers, and she enjoys curling up in the sun (which highlights in perfect detail each strand of whisker springing from just above her curving lip) to the music of the faint clatter of fingers on keyboard, the long pauses for inspiration, and the occasional groan.
There are two professional musicians among her people, and she has slept through many a scale and arpeggio, many an anguished hour of slow practicing. Currently there are all the octaves and broken thirds of the Beethoven violin concerto to lure her into sleep, but last month it was the soaring melody of the Saint-Saëns’s Rondo Capriccioso.
 By her luxurious presence she brings much light and delight into the lives of the people around her, one of whom, in a bleak moment of writer’s block, decided to sketch the furry puddle lying beside her in the sun.
An easy task, and enjoyable.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

St. Patrick's Day

Three years ago I was sitting next to a good friend eating corned beef and cabbage and decided to send a text to the man who was becoming my friend; I didn't know with what joy he received it, how he showed it to his friends, and how he pulled up my website and said to his parents, "This is the girl I'm going to marry someday."

Three years later, we are making breakfast together, bumping happily into each other and waltzing while the coffee brewed. Our precious daughter kicks and coos nearby. We have three years of life lived intensely behind us and a whole lifetime ahead.

What a gift is true love, how rare, and how priceless. Dear M., I treasure you with every particle of my being and anticipate learning to love you more deeply every day for the rest of my life.

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Today I'm Thankful for... Life

How easily we take for granted the life and glory in our children! There was a moment, back at the beginning of my pregnancy, when it seemed that I would miscarry, and that the new life we had just discovered would be snuffed out. Through the weeks that followed we reeled in the pain and joy of it all. I rested and nourished the budding life within.

Months later our precious daughter was born, full term, almost too healthy to be true, and she continues to boggle my mind with her growth and development. I am reminded that many parent have been less fortunate, and that life is not always a guarantee.

I am deeply thankful to look over and see my sleeping daughter breathing on the couch. And I wish to offer my heartfelt sympathy to all who have struggled with infertility, any who have had challenging pregnancies, and those who had to say goodbye to their little ones before even getting to meet them.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Sleep Comes Like a Drug in God's Country

I wish to extol the virtues of sleep, the golden drug.

Linking worlds, sleep brings visions and ecstasies. Through the miracle of sleep we close our eyes and open them somewhere else, at least in the hidden eye of the mind. Symbol and myth steep our very essence and become revealed in sleep. Perhaps it matters not that the stories shown in dreams usually don't make it into the waking state; they are no less active for that, they still re-write the cartography of our souls.

Yet as a new parent, it is not dreams I seek in my sleep, nor revelations. I merely desire, with every fiber of my being, to sleep for more than an hour at a stretch. I only want to sink into my bed and arise refreshed to meet the frantic demands of my two-week-old daughter. My pillow has become my fantasy. My body and my soul yearn for rest.

And last night my sweet, cranky daughter granted me the gift of sleep. I am immensely grateful and find myself rejuvenated, able to face a writing project I've been dreading, and even pondering cooking something for dinner beyond hotdogs or pizza. The constant feedings demanded by little E.'s growth spurt seem less overwhelming, laundry is not insurmountable, and a bath a distinct possibility.

I never appreciated sleep before now. I think my appreciation shall continue to grow as I tread the path of parenthood. I know there will be many more sleepless nights, but right now I'm simply thankful for one good night of rest.

Thanks, E.!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Today I'm Thankful for... Moby Wrap!

Today I packed my husband's lunch with both hands! This may not sound like much, but when you consider that baby E. was sleeping in milky perfection on my chest the whole time, the event tips over into miracle land. This experience courtesy of the Moby Wrap.

For those of you who haven't had the chance to try one, the Moby is a 12-foot long strip of tough elastic material which, when wrapped and tied correctly, allows for babywearing the intimacy of which recalls swaddling, or baby's time in the womb. My little one subsides into slumber whenever I slip her into the triple folds of fabric and rest her cheek on my neck.

Today I'm making bread. Two-handed!




Monday, February 13, 2012

Welcome to the World, Little One

I just might be the luckiest woman in the world. Beside me in milky dignity stretches my lovely newborn daughter. Newly fed, burped, and warm, she has no need unmet; her heart is content.

It is still a mystery to me that such a perfect child could have been conceived, nurtured, and torn from my own body. How can the spark of irresistible love so burn that a new being is created where there was none?

February 2nd I had the great privilege of giving birth to a daughter. At 6 lbs. 7 oz. she remained healthy throughout the labor and regained her birth weight within five days. She enchants us with her small mannerisms, her perfect storms of emotion, and the peace which rules her countenance.

Dear E., welcome to the world!


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Christmas Morning


Yes, it's beautiful. It's a home-made cinnamon roll, my family tradition for Christmas morning. Made even better by the kind forethought of my mother, who sent me home with a mound of dough all ready to roll out and slather in butter. Somehow it was my husband's first taste of this delicious treat, and he was an instant convert.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Today I'm Thankful For... Peanut Butter Fudge


My mother-in-law has a secret fudge recipe. It's one of the reasons I love Christmas above all other seasons. Yes, she's given the recipe to me, but no, I won't give it to you. I will however describe the perfect piece of peanut butter fudge, a piece of which I just ate.

Creamy but with texture that stands a little tongue-probing. Nutty, yes, but caramelized and creamy, with overtones of marshmallow. Definitely impossible to stop with just one piece. Scary when considered calorically, comforting when considered with a sweet tooth.

Your peanut butter fudge is the best, L.!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Today I'm Thankful For... People Who Share

I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant, and am finding it difficult to fit this burgeoning belly into normal tops! But I haven't bought any maternity tops, mainly out of the dispiriting oppression that comes from trying on clothes that would have once been too large for me, that either look stupid or cost too much, and that I (hopefully) will only wear another three months max.



But today one of my tablemates in Biology class handed me a bag full of beautiful maternity tops! I can't wait to wear them! What a gift.

I'm thankful for people who share. How has someone shared with you lately?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Today I'm Thankful For... Special Mugs

Do you have a favorite mug? I do, or rather several. For tea, I love the beautiful posies-and-poppies cup my sister brought me from England. For cappucinos, I love a six-ounce cup with strawberry flowers. And for random beverages--cider, hot chocolate, steamers, chai--I love this recently thrifted mug with a perplexing image of a bird and butterfly. It has thick walls which hold heat remarkably, a nearly-unreadable stamp on the bottom indicating that it was crafted with care, and has lately been filling me with joy each time I use it.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Today I am Thankful For... My Husband

This Thanksgiving day I am thankful for my husband! Little did I know when we first met--and clashed with the clanging of cymbals--almost three years ago that today we would be living in harmony and anticipating a child together!

Thank you for your tidy habits!
Thank you for your sparkling eyes!
Thank you for your musical gifts and humility!
Thank you for always watching out for me!
Thank you for being so trustworthy!
Thank you for your honesty!
Thank you for embracing my family!
Thank you for your incredible cooking skills!
Thank you for being interested in my passions!
Thank you for accepting me as I am!
Thank you for choosing me!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Today I'm Thankful For... Bran Flakes




Oh Bran Flakes, how you fill me with satifying satiation when all else fails! You are the companion of my midnight munchies, the fellow of my desperate breakfasts, the sidekick of my stomach. You bring peace to the howling maw within me and time and again you always taste delicious. You make the little one in my midsection feel acrobatic and try to kick you off my belly and cover me with milk.

I hope we remain old friends, dear Bran Flakes, in spite of the fact that I always eat you.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

On Scarcity





I finished One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich this morning. I've read it in bits and pieces over the last month and have found myself captivated by the moment-by-moment optimism of Shukhov, an innocent man sentenced to ten years in a Russian hard-labor camp, by the dominance of individuality even in an environment specifically designed to strip all vestiges of personality from each prisoner, and by the kind of courage that can leave behind what should have been and what could have been for what is.

Life in the Soviet Gulag
If you own this picture, please contact me!

For those unfamiliar, the book follows Ivan Denisovich Shukhov, prisoner C 854, through one day in an unnamed labor camp. A great portion of Shukhov's energy is expended in obtaining food--whether through guile or through favors for others. He wastes little energy, after eight years of his sentence, on thinking about his wife and children in a countryside kolkhoz, or collective farm, nor does he bother himself with questions of right or wrong, with prayer--other than a brief thankful acknowledgement to God for the small blessings of the day--with musings on mortality, or with friendship among his fellow zeks. He loves his work, becoming so entranced with building a wall that he nearly misses the prisoner count and causes his entire squad to be punished. Among the many players within his world, he knows his place and keeps it, rendering respect to those above him and disdain to those below. There are members of the intelligentia imprisoned with him yet he displays no interest in their learned conversation, betraying Solzhenitsyn's own attitude toward the intellectual elite--ironic, since men and women who viewed the world as Shukhov did were very unlikely to read or approve of One Day but it became the banner work of Soviet liberals and intellectuals alike.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Sozhenitsyn
Credit: AP Photo/Jacques Brinon
Solzhenitsyn was born at the peak of the Civil War in 1918, the same year the last Tzar and his family were executed, and served Mother Russia as a battery commander in WWII. After years of  keeping his mouth shut, he made the mistake of writing disparagingly of Stalin in a series of letters to a friend, who turned him in to the authorities and landed him in various concentration and labor camps for eight years. (1945-53)

Here's what I find the most telling sign of the political oppressions of the time: publication of One Day in 1962 marked the first mention in print of the forced labor camps  in Russia! Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1970, "for the ethical force with which he pursued the indispensible tradition of Russian literature", an event which caused him to be exiled from the Soviet Union.

He coined the now-predominant term "GULAG" for the Soviet system of forced labor which began under Stalin after WWI and did not fully end until Gorbachev's time. Numbers vary, but it is believed that over a million persons lived and died in these camps.

Growing up in the conservative Christian tradition, I often pondered whether I would stand firm for my faith under the threat of torture or martyrdom. I find the same self-searching mood is born from reading One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch and that I am unsure how I would act were I to find myself in a similar situation to the protagonist. If bread were scarce, would I share my only crust with my husband, my child? I like to think I would. But we don't know, living as we do in the fullness of Western plenty, how our essential selves would crumble under a cruel regime.

I am thankful I do not have to face these trials today, and hope for fortitude should I do so one day. Scarcity of anything is a fearsome thing.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Today I am Thankful for... Cinnamon and Honey Steamer

For the golden wheat scent of warm milk, the fall-evoking freckles of cinnamon, and the thick cap of perfect foam sliding back to reveal comforting depths of pale milk... For the way it makes my child dance within me... For the way it brings back my first memory, of lying on my back in safety with a bottle of warm vanilla milk... For the joy of knowing the treasured cup traveled all the way home from England in my sister's luggage... For the leisure in which to drink it...

I am thankful.